Guest Blog: Work, Mom, Work!

I never became a Pilates-latté mom, although I seriously flirted with the idea.

I thought that I would take a few months of indulgence after six-and-a-half years as a full-time at-home mom to my three children. After years of pregnancy, breastfeeding and caring for my kids pretty much 24/7, I felt it would be time to re-shape my body, refresh my mind, read some books (without pictures) and rediscover “me” before I re-entered the workforce.

A choice of the privileged, I am aware.

But the real me revealed itself way before I could sit in a café in my sports gear, novel in hand, and order my latté. I sensed the free mornings waiting for me on the horizon and I instinctively knew I would have to fill them with something (financially) productive.

I found a project quite a while before my youngest entered kindergarten – it became my self-published book. It has allowed me to work flexible hours and look after my kids each day after 1pm.

My self-publishing adventure marks the reawakening of my professional drive and self-expectations, concern for making deadlines and meeting targets – all characteristics that I had neutralized when I first became a mother, back in 2004.

Actually, I began neutralizing these characteristics on my journey toward motherhood. This became apparent when, as marketing manager of a software company, I sat for my annual review. My boss assured me that following my maternity leave I would be travelling abroad more frequently in order to meet our customers.

I had always advocated the need for me to meet and learn from our customers, but as I sat there eight months pregnant, I was speechless. I suspect my boss was trying hard to ignore the fact that soon I was to give birth, although in theory, he could have been promising foreign travel as an incentive to keep me on board or to deter me from returning to the company at all.

I am sure there are new moms who would welcome overseas travel – and company managers, it is something you should discuss with your pregnant employees – but even before I became a mom, I knew that for me, spending repeated periods away from my children would not make me happy. I sensed that the whole way I had lived my life was about to change.

I never returned to my job at the software company and six months into motherhood, I wrote an email to a friend summing up what I felt were the major changes in my working life, beyond the tasks of childcare, that had occurred as I moved from international marketing to being a full-time mom:

1. The enormous change of pace.
2. The lack of deadlines and the sense of excitement at project kick-off and satisfaction on completion.
3. The lack of positive feedback on my work (how often does anyone tell a mom that she is doing a great job? Not enough.)
4. The endless time spent at or close-to home.

Now as an ambitious self-publisher, I have adopted a new working pace, although needless to say, the pace of work as a self-employed mother who still looks after her three children every afternoon is not that of a full-time marketing manager. I have also integrated deadlines into my life, but they have to be deadline targets (my wish list) because they are at constant risk of being swept away by family, school and kindergarten commitments. It means I must be exceptionally determined yet flexible at the same time.

Fortunately, I am enjoying the rewards of positive feedback on my work, which is tremendous compensation for the endless hours I still spend at home, including very late nights in front of my computer screen.

I feel lucky that I was able to find a self-employed route back to financial productivity (I say it this way because I don’t feel I ever stopped working). I know my biggest challenges are finding the right balance between advancing my book and spending time with my family, and eliminating the sense of guilt and disappointment that arise from working passionately in two roles and constantly dashing between them.

I am learning to embrace the imperfections.

I have also learned to make lattés at home, yet still dream about Pilates….